Periodically people ask me if I’m not married how can I coach and match make others. My response is…if I had been married for years how would I remember or even know the ups and downs, frustrations, disappointments or current choices for finding a mate? I would have been in a cocoon outside of the challenges singles go through while dating and even looking for someone to date, especially in certain age ranges.
I’ve been there, I’ve dated in “bulk”, I’ve taken breaks from dating for years and tried again, I’ve had 8 marriage proposals that I declined except for three. One short marriage, two engagements that I broke off. I knew one thing, I didn’t want to have a string of divorces behind me. So I learned after the first one that it’s best to break an engagement than suck it up and go through a bad marriage ending in divorce.
I’ve dated national celebrities, local news anchors, radio personalities, mechanics, millionaires, attorneys, Denver Broncos and the list goes on. If I had not had all those experiences how could I possibly relate to my clients? I’ve seen Bon Jour clients make mistakes that I made over the years so I have hind sight enabling me to point them in the right direction.
I.e., a couple who just met yesterday (4/6/14) who really hit it off told me interesting feedback. She said he cannot get together on a weekend until two weeks from now due to plans. I said, why can’t you get together during the week? Did he ask if you are available during the week? She said no. We both agreed that because it took them 2 weeks to have their first meeting due to a death in her family that another two weeks would be like throwing cold water on things.
It is important to keep the momentum going. I really think there are loads of potential relationships that fall by the wayside because of a break in the momentum. So I spoke with him and he said that he gathered from their conversations that she was not available on week nights. He never asked her, he just assumed from things she said. My advice to him was to work on his communication skills. Not to assume but if that’s the impression, to ask. She was definitely open to getting together on a week night. He’s a great client and takes my advice and direction well and agreed.
Having a professional matchmaker in the middle can stop a potential relationship from falling through the cracks as in the example above and others on this Blog. I know from my own experience that when you are excited about meeting someone and they put you off for two weeks the intensity and excitement can wane or completely disappear thus severing the connection. How would I know that if I had been married for years?
So to any naysayers out there who question how an unmarried matchmaker can do this career…use your common sense and think through your question and you’ll get it.