THINK LONG TERM, BE REALISTIC and BE HUMAN WHEN DATING

I have recently been in contact with a guy I dated in my twenties.  He’s now in his sixties.  One of the things that got on my nerves when we dated was that he worked out obsessively every day, 7 days a week and anything else was put on the back burner.

Well, it turns out he looked healthy and great on the outside but lots was going on inside that he could not control or be aware of.  Something he specifically told me this morning was that he never thought he would date women over 50 because of his perception of them and because he felt that he had so much to offer.  He’s always been a handsome, wealthy and a very sweet guy!  Today he said he’d be lucky to have someone in their 50’s or 60’s consider him!  So of course you ask why?

A year ago he had a severe stroke which has disabled him in certain ways that he is fighting back and working through.  His perception of himself, women and the world has changed dramatically.  He has always been the handsome, sexy, virile man who didn’t look his age.  I haven’t seen him but his description of himself is quite different now.

Hey, “shit happens”…this is life.  He commented that he would date Chrisite Brinkley.  I said what if you did and SHE had the stroke, gained weight, looked different and needed help?  That could happen…would you still be there?  (I don’t remember his answer, don’t think he responded…)

Everyone who comes in here whether male or female seems to want their idea of “perfection”.  Perfection doesn’t last forever.  There are car accidents, strokes, ALS, ED, etc., etc.  People don’t remain the same through their whole lives.  The test is whether you or they will still be there when times aren’t “perfect” and they or YOU aren’t “perfect”. The person you SHOULD be searching for is one with compassion, loyalty, humanity and realism.

Of course there has to be an attraction in many areas, but that physical attraction becomes less and less important as you age because some of the most beautiful people do not age well, i.e., Jessica Lange, Brigitte Bardot, Mickey Rourke, Val Kilmer, Kathleen Turner, Kelly LeBrock, Keith Richards, Jack Nicholson, Brigette Neilsen, Steven Seagal, Janice Dickinson, Nick Nolte, etc.  Just because someone looks great NOW doesn’t mean they always will.  AND just because you look great on the outside doesn’t mean you are healthy on the inside, like my friend.

BrigetteBardo

On the other hand, there are people who were average looking when they were younger who look better with age, i.e., Diane Keaton, Katie Couric, Barbra Striesand, Julianne Moore, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Tom Hanks, etc.  The question isn’t are they good looking, the more important question at certain ages is how well are they aging.

KatieCouricYoungKatieCouricNow

So when choosing a partner look long term, be realistic and be human…and remember that “shit happens” even to YOU, so choose someone who will be there if and when it does!

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