In the past two weeks I have declined to work with about 10 singles who called for Bon Jour Matchmaking. In case it is not clear that means I turned down a minimum of $20,000 in income!
WHY? It’s called being ethical. I know that is a foreign term in these days of greed, but after 28 years of Denver matchmaking with Bon Jour being so specialized I know from interviewing EVERY client their preferences and flexibility.
Sometimes you absolutely can’t win even when you are trying to be honest and ethical. One of the women I declined (“Olimpia”) wrote a nasty review on YELP. She should have thanked me for not lying to her and taking her money knowing she would not be successful! EVERY time I decline to work with someone that effects my income, every time.
My clients make it perfectly clear what they are looking for in a mate which includes physical traits obviously. My women are clear that they prefer men 5’9″ or taller with comparable educations and income to theirs. My men specify no women larger than a size 10. That’s just the way it is. I wouldn’t be much of a Matchmaker or business woman if I ignored their criteria or preferences like most other Denver matchmaking services (read their reviews).
There are many, many reasons that I decline to work with someone and height and size or only two of the reasons. Read through the list of things that make someone a poor candidate for Bon Jour.
If I sound angry you bet I am. If “Olimpia” had been a client and I had lied to her about her success that would be a legitimate reason to write a bad review. But to write a bad review because of her hurt ego when I was honest and ethical is ridiculous. This is the kind of attack that makes me consider whether I want to continue doing this. Again, I turn down thousands of dollars a year in an effort to be ethical and not take advantage of vulnerable people!
I was recently asked what makes me a good matchmaker. I took that question very seriously and gave it some thought before responding. Looking back over 28 years of Denver matchmaking I don’t think it’s just the matching that is my strength or the strength of this Denver matchmaking service.
- Giving all clients the time for their best match to present in the service by virtue of my open-ended contract has something to do with it;
- The amount of information shared with each client contributes to making the best choices;
- Allowing clients to meet as many people as they feel could be their best mate;
- The reasonable filing/investment fee in joining Bon Jour so that appropriate singles feel comfortable with this investment;
- The length of time I have been practicing matchmaking by coaching, interviewing and meeting every single client by means of the structure of this matchmaking service; and
- Last but not least…the ongoing intensive coaching before, during and after couples meet to mitigate so many initial issues within the first couple of months of a potentially permanent relationship.
Matchmaking is so much more than just throwing people together and letting them sink or swim. Many people put up obstacles that diminish their chances of a relationship progressing. They need someone objective to have the guts and insight to point out those habits and zeroing in on things that, in the scheme of a lifelong relationship, just are not important. That is my goal for you…a lifetime relationship!
Singles hire a matchmaker because they are having trouble of some kind in their interactions with dating. Yes, it is to find the right person who has as yet been elusive, but there may be many things you yourself are doing that derail, curtail or just plain prevent successful long term relationships.
One glaring example is you are difficult or impossible to connect with. Whether it be by phone or setting up meetings or dates. If I have trouble getting you on the phone that alerts me that my clients may also have difficulty that may cause them to get frustrated and just move on. If that’s how I feel you can be sure that’s how they will feel. If I find this the case before you even become a client (which happened this morning) I will suggest that you contact another Denver matchmaking service. My clients expect and deserve reliable people to meet for potential relationships.
If I find that you do not follow directions well even though I repeat them over and over it will discourage me from working with you as there are contracts stating timing that you have to adhere to and other things that, as a client, you need to follow through on as there is usually someone waiting for an answer (someone meaning a prospective match or me).
Whether you are in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service as a client or out in the world dating, look at the obstacles you are putting in the way of smoothly getting to know someone and cultivating a potential relationship. Actions that may be discouraging, frustrating or just plain turning good potential mates off. THAT is what I help with, that is the coaching in Bon Jour Matchmaking that is so invaluable!
My trusty client, Bill, who is always reading stories like this and sharing them with me, sent me this tonight so I will share it with you…
GLENDALE, Colo. — Two weeks after a FOX31 Problem Solvers investigation exposed numerous customers’ concerns about the Denver dating agency Mile High Singles, one customer has won a default judgment in Arapahoe County small claims court.
John Black of Superior said he gives credit to the Problem Solvers for his victory because the director of Mile High Singles, Sheryl McDowell, refused to get out of her car at the Littleton courthouse.
“She decided she didn’t want to be talking to the press,” said Black, one of several customers who have filed complaints against Mile High Singles with the Colorado Attorney General’s Office.
They’re complaining of deceptive sales practices and a membership database where half or more of the so-called members are listed as “inactive” meaning, they’re not even available to date.
Black won the maximum amount allowed in small claims, $7,500 plus $110 in court costs, which still leaves him about $1,000 short of what he spent on the service.
“They charged me $8,500,” Black said. “I didn’t realize I was paying that. I thought I was paying $119.80, which is on their paperwork. … It says total due today $119.80.”
The contract shows that amount, but there’s another page that says $8,395, though Black said he thought that additional amount was only due over the course of three years if he stayed with the service.
“I mean I never in my wildest dreams would’ve paid so much money, especially upfront, trusting that their service maybe would’ve delivered anything of value to me,” Black said.
The Problem Solvers approached McDowell as she came to work one morning in early February, but she refused to answer any questions.
McDowell told a producer during an undercover interview that, “We’re extremely selective who we send out the invitation to, only 52 percent receive the invite and of course I look for honesty.”
In reality, Mile High Singles will extend a membership invitation to anyone it can convince to pay thousands of dollars up front for a service that isn’t much different from Match.com.
The good news for Black is the small claims court judge awarded him a default judgment when McDowell refused to show up for the mediation hearing even though the judge gave her an extra 90 minutes.
“Part of me feels a little let down because I wanted to confront this person and say,’ Hey, what is it you’re doing to these people?'” Black said.
Collecting from Mile High Singles might be a new challenge for Black. The Problem Solvers emailed McDowell, but she refused to answer if her dating service would follow the judge’s order and pay up.
“We are a legitimate business, and while we may have a few members that may not be completely satisfied with their decision to join Mile High Singles, we have tons that are very happy and have found success with us,” the email read.
Mile High Singles used to be known as Great Expectations but changed its name a few years ago after affiliates in Arizona and Washington were cited for deceptive sales practices by the attorney generals of both states.
The Colorado Attorney General’s Office won’t comment on how many complaints it has received about Mile High Singles, but acknowledges it has taken no action against the Denver dating service.
I had a conversation with a very old friend of mine last night and was telling her about a new male client and how fantastic he is. She said “what’s wrong with him then?” Nothing is “wrong” with him. He is divorced once and has two children. He has absolutely everything going for him…of course I don’t know what he’s like in a relationship or how particular he is with who he will meet yet.
She said “well we’ll see how successful your service is.” I said hey, if everyone I present to him he declines or everyone who selects him he declines OR if he’s a jerk in a relationship that’s on HIM NOT MY SERVICE. I can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink or act appropriately.
I can introduce you to the right people and coach you so that you don’t get in your own way but the responsibility for any relationship succeeding is ultimately your own, NOT the matchmaker’s.
So this man has been divorced once and with two children should be particular about who he brings into his life. My friend has been married to the same man since she was 20 and she’s now 59! She does not know and cannot relate to dating at any age let alone in this climate of 2017.
I have had people call me and say how good am I? I’m as good as you are as a client and partner both with me and interacting with my clientele. No matchmaker or service can take total responsibility in making you successful. At least 50% or more is up to each individual. Please try to be realistic when considering Denver matchmakers and Denver matchmaking services.
What you should be considering is their structure, their track record, their length of time in business, your rapport with the owner/matchmaker and of course their fees and contract lengths.
Have you ever been on a date and thought “that was going really well until ___. I wonder what happened?” Michele knows and will tell you! One matchmaker. One-time charge (then $35/intro…