I was recently asked what makes me a good matchmaker. I took that question very seriously and gave it some thought before responding. Looking back over 28 years of Denver matchmaking I don’t think it’s just the matching that is my strength or the strength of this Denver matchmaking service.
- Giving all clients the time for their best match to present in the service by virtue of my open-ended contract has something to do with it;
- The amount of information shared with each client contributes to making the best choices;
- Allowing clients to meet as many people as they feel could be their best mate;
- The reasonable filing/investment fee in joining Bon Jour so that appropriate singles feel comfortable with this investment;
- The length of time I have been practicing matchmaking by coaching, interviewing and meeting every single client by means of the structure of this matchmaking service; and
- Last but not least…the ongoing intensive coaching before, during and after couples meet to mitigate so many initial issues within the first couple of months of a potentially permanent relationship.
Matchmaking is so much more than just throwing people together and letting them sink or swim. Many people put up obstacles that diminish their chances of a relationship progressing. They need someone objective to have the guts and insight to point out those habits and zeroing in on things that, in the scheme of a lifelong relationship, just are not important. That is my goal for you…a lifetime relationship!
Singles hire a matchmaker because they are having trouble of some kind in their interactions with dating. Yes, it is to find the right person who has as yet been elusive, but there may be many things you yourself are doing that derail, curtail or just plain prevent successful long term relationships.
One glaring example is you are difficult or impossible to connect with. Whether it be by phone or setting up meetings or dates. If I have trouble getting you on the phone that alerts me that my clients may also have difficulty that may cause them to get frustrated and just move on. If that’s how I feel you can be sure that’s how they will feel. If I find this the case before you even become a client (which happened this morning) I will suggest that you contact another Denver matchmaking service. My clients expect and deserve reliable people to meet for potential relationships.
If I find that you do not follow directions well even though I repeat them over and over it will discourage me from working with you as there are contracts stating timing that you have to adhere to and other things that, as a client, you need to follow through on as there is usually someone waiting for an answer (someone meaning a prospective match or me).
Whether you are in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service as a client or out in the world dating, look at the obstacles you are putting in the way of smoothly getting to know someone and cultivating a potential relationship. Actions that may be discouraging, frustrating or just plain turning good potential mates off. THAT is what I help with, that is the coaching in Bon Jour Matchmaking that is so invaluable!
From an article in The Good Men Project:
#1 Complaining when he’s showing honest effort
As adults who gain wisdom with experience and age, we’re better at knowing what we don’t want. Some things are common knowledge, like checking in after a night out or remembering to buy a card and flowers for Valentine’s Day. Other things, men need the time to learn them. It’s unfair for a woman to assume a man “should just know” how to be in a relationship with her. If the man is trying to learn you, don’t be so quick to bite his head off if it takes him some time. If necessary, make it easier for him and give him a cheat code.
#2 Being afraid of initiating intimacy
Women have no qualms about openly lusting over guys like David Beckham, Idris Elba, and any other attractive celebrity. But why is it so difficult to outwardly compliment your man? Not those superficial “babe you look nice today” comments either. You know how it turns you on for your man to look at you and lick his lips like he’s ready to devour you? NEWS FLASH! We want and need to know that you find us sexy. It means something to have the woman you love desire you with the same intensity that you desire her.
#3 Not letting him express himself on his terms
In relationships, men usually try to avoid confrontation because we prefer peace and quiet. I know when I’m passionate about something though, I can go on for hours. Disagreements and arguments are a part of romantic relationships. I think that for some women, they spend so much of their time outside of the house being silenced and demeaned, that in the home, they can come across unnecessarily combative with their man. When things are calm, a man’s silence is read as being disengaged and apathetic. That’s not necessarily true. You can’t force meaningful conversation out of your man. But when he is ready to open up, make sure that you’ve created a comfortable space for him to do so freely.
#4 Not being present in the present moments
For as much as society says that we’re all attached to our phones, social media, and other distractions, women somehow sidestep that blame in relationships. In my previous relationship, my significant other had a different schedule than I. So I’d purposely make sure that I’d get enough work done and handle whatever I had on my to-do list to be available when she needed me. We tried our best to share that schedule. With more women working outside of the home and being the household’s sole breadwinner, their plates are overflowing. They’re wearing many hats and intimacy with their boyfriend or husband might be the area that falls to the wayside. Men can feel abandoned and neglected too. Although we’ll never beg for more time because it’s hard to see the woman we love killing herself to be all things at once. Chalk that up to ego or to a man being compassionate. Just know that your man needs you to make time for him where he isn’t sharing you with something else mentally or emotionally.
The male ego is fragile. That doesn’t infer it needs to be stroked constantly. Protecting a man’s heart the way he does yours begins with you understanding that beyond that facade, every man is capable of being hurt by a woman they truly love.
A gift to you for the holidays from Denver’s Best Matchmaker to help your relationships flourish. HAPPY HOLIDAYS from Bon Jour Matchmaking Service and Michele the Matchmaker!
While practicing professional matchmaking since 1989 and seeing which clients marry and which do not, as I mentioned many times in this Blog, stop looking for perfection.
Whether you use the Internet dating sites, Meet Up, matchmakers or whatever if your standards are so high that either you can’t find people to fit them or the people who do fit them don’t want you…get real!
Over 600 singles have married through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service since 1989. Not the most beautiful, not the wealthiest, not the most famous…singles with realistic and sincere, in-depth criteria and expectations. Those are the people who get married. Even on the Internet I know of a few couples who married but they aren’t models or moguls, they found their most appropriate match. Not someone to impress their peers or someone who does everything they do.
Also I have friends and family who have married people they don’t have lots of activities in common with but what they do have are commons goals, values and morals. Activities can be cultivated. If you are so focused on a specific activity or two and demand they do those also you are going to miss out on people who might have been your best partner in life. There’s more to life than skiing, bicycling and hiking…stuff happens and you need to look for more than appearance and activities.
Look at the couples you know or even have just observed…they probably aren’t models or moguls or have every single thing in common. But they may still have outstanding relationships/marriages. I know several who have lasted 25 and 30+ years, including my own parents. They love each other and accept each other and appreciate their differences and respect those while cultivating commonalities through the life of their years together.
Our first interaction on the telephone or if you send me an email starts our journey to discover whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the right Denver matchmaker for you and you are the right client for the service. Whether, as your very personal matchmaker, I feel I can reasonably meet your expectations or I fear you may be disappointed. It is most important to me that I have a reasonable expectation of achieving your goal.
Anyone who calls looking for a guarantee, shows major skepticism, puts all of the responsibility on my abilities as a matchmaker or shows a lack of understanding as to the structure of Bon Jour automatically throws up flags for me. Do the Internet dating sites give you a guarantee? Does the stock market give you a guarantee? For that matter does the person you marry give you a guarantee? Some things are done on faith and hope and realistic expectations. This is one of them.
If I sense you are very skeptical but willing to go forward anyway I will suggest we don’t. That already puts up a barrier between us and does not let our relationship flow naturally nor the process flow naturally.
I have full confidence in my own ability as a professional Denver matchmaker after practicing this career for 28 years with a success rate of 70%. But is it really all about my abilities? If you are a very picky, inflexible client and no one seems to suit you so you decline everyone I show you or who selects to meet you, then you won’t meet anyone. If people decline to meet you I can exemplify your outstanding virtues and nudge them but no client is forced to meet another client. If I introduce you to a wonderful person and you ruin the potential relationship, I can advise and counsel but ultimately the success of your relationship is up to you and that person.
If I find you difficult in our phone consultation, inflexible, unrealistic, narrow and/or demanding it is likely I will fear that a relationship with you may be more trouble than it is worth. You may seem impossible to please in which case I will decline to work together.
So that’s the story…this is such a personal endeavor we have to have a good rapport, understand each other’s expectations and agree on my philosophy. That’s what makes a good and successful client.
As I tell my clients, I do all that I can to stack the deck in your favor as a client. Meaning being selective of who I present to you based on both your preferences and background as well as theirs. Selecting photos that while they present you in your best light DO look like you unlike Internet dating sites. Suggest certain behaviors for early on in the relationship as it is so delicate sometimes the slightest slight may knock it off track. Correcting misconceptions and interpretations to give this budding match time and space to grow.
But I am a Matchmaker not a magician. I do all that I can to assist you but ultimately it is up to each individual as to their success. I make the environment the most positive and clear that I can. What is unwise on a client’s part is to have higher standards within a service than if you met someone outside of a service. I see it all the time. Your best chances of success are to be realistic, open-minded and patient. Those who have been have reached their goal within Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.
Having an open-ended contract is invaluable as I can never promise a new client that the “perfect” person is sitting here waiting for them….there are times they have been but I have no way of knowing that. We just do the best that we can together.
I am oh so careful about who I work with on behalf of my clients so as to save them time, aggravation and frustration. For the most part the majority of the people I accept seem to understand that and if they don’t I prefer they work with a service best suited to their goals and philosophy. But every once in a while, although I’ve been extremely direct and clear as is my website, someone desperately wants to work with me and proclaims they get it just to find out within a couple of months they don’t. Fortunately for the over 300 couples who have married through Bon Jour they had the patience and understanding to go through the process and it paid off! I have no way of knowing how long the process will take for you personally because YOU have a lot to do with that. If you have unrealistic expectations and turn down every one who is interested than it will take you longer. That is your prerogative but not my responsibility as your matchmaker. We share responsibility and I can only do what you allow me to do.
In a nutshell, if you are looking for immediate gratification and/or meeting lots of singles this is not the service for you. Bon Jour Matchmaking is an old fashioned, genuine matchmaking service. I vet all clients and qualify them before wasting your time just throwing people at you to meet a contract. If you have the patience and are realistic this may be the right service for you. Most couples who have married through Bon Jour married either the first or second person they met…regardless of how long it took to find the right match!
Please read through my website carefully and if we chat and you don’t understand don’t be shy. I want my approach to be crystal clear or we are both wasting each others time. Best of luck!