SO THIS IS MY LIFE AS A DENVER MATCHMAKER

UPDATE:  So Alan Goodman sends me an email from a fake address saying I should expect a check  in the mail.  I guess he spoke with an attorney who advised him about the contracts he signed.  Remember, he spent 30 minutes changing my contract to suit him.  I received a lengthy letter with many stipulations if I cash the check.  He told many, many untruths in this letter.  This guy wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him!

Just FYI…the second year I was in business a client stopped payment on a $35 check (the introduction fee) and I hired an attorney and chased her for 3 years to go to court.  I won and for triple damages AND INTEREST for 3 yrs.!  So what do you think I would do for a $2900 check?  I adhere closely to my contracts and so should you.

Anyway, as I said below when he signed the contracts he scribbled his name illegibly.  Well his name was not scribbled illegibly on this letter or check he sent.  So obviously he had no intention of following through!  He just wanted to see who I had as clients and then stopped payment on his scribbled check.   I didn’t even take his check until 90 minutes into the interview! 

In this letter he made many, many demands if I were to cash this minimal check which HE decided should be my worth!  Mainly wanting me to destroy evidence that he actually became a client in case he decides to pursue this in some way.  This guy is a total nightmare!  Remember he is a financial advisor…don’t accept a signed contract or check from him with a scribble for his name.  Make sure his signature is legible.

This guy calls me about a month ago named Alan G. who lives in Boulder is a financial advisor and is age 55.  He’s so excited about what he read on the website and about working with me.  Makes an appointment for the interview then shortly before that day cancels but in short order reschedules.  So he has a month to ask questions, read through more of the website, etc.

I work from home to mitigate overhead to keep my fees lower than other Denver matchmaking services or Denver dating services so when I expect a client it is a process with my puppy and cat as well as I do not have a cleaning team (I do everything) to get ready for a new client.  It is a time consuming process not like stepping into a clean office that a cleaning crew cleaned overnight.  I want my clients to feel that they matter to me and I show that by the way I present my home, office as well as myself for their interview.

He comes in and the first thing he does is change my contract.  He clearly was not going to sign it as I’ve used it for 29 years so I decided to make some changes geared towards his comfort level.  WHO DOES THAT???????  But I did.  Spent the whole first 30 minutes on that.  He tells me he’s skittish (not the right word but can’t remember it) about the process.  That he hasn’t dated that much.  BTW, when I asked what services he’s used before he lists several internet dating sites.  So obviously he has been dating to a great extent.

So instead of coming right out and just saying he wants a younger woman, which he should have just done in that very first FREE phone consultation, he dances around it and everyone I showed him was too old or not his type.  Although he’s tall he’s a slim, small boned man so I guess women who are not tiny intimidate him.  He bugged me about presenting his profile to women even if they stated their age range was way under his age of 55.  Well I can’t do that!  If there is a 2 or 3 year difference I can do that but more than that is not respecting the criteria and preferences set forth by my other clientsIf you take the time to read reviews of other local matchmaking/dating services the one common complaint is that they were not set up with people who met the preferences and criteria they set forth.  This service is NOT like that which I explained  repeatedly but he insists that because he looks a bit younger than his age and is thin that he deserves a younger woman…

Well some of his challenges besides that were his location and his daughter as well as the fact he is not interested in having more children.  So just those things would preclude some people from meeting him.  So he sends me an email tonight reiterating that he strongly hopes I will present his profile to women regardless of their stated age preferences.  Again, I cannot do that!  So I reiterated what I’ve already said numerous times today.  He writes back and says to tear up his check and he will not post negative reviews about my service.  He threatened me!  So after dealing with this guy for a month, wasting 2.5 hours today, changing my contract for him, showing him confidential profiles he expects me to tear up his check.

Since business owners don’t have a venue to post about their lousy clients I have to post this here.  Hopefully you will glean the correct information from this.

 

Advertisements

DON’T SHOOT THE DENVER MATCHMAKER (MESSENGER)

If you read through the bulk of the reviews of many Denver dating services and Denver matchmakers you will see a consistent theme.  That the people who used them were not introduced to people who fulfilled their criteria and preferences.  That is constant across the board…except for Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.  Don’t think there’s even one review stating anything like that!

So, after 29 years and an established clientele and as a REAL professional Denver Matchmaker, the fact that I interview every single client allows me to know without a doubt the types of qualities my clients are searching for in a mate.  That is TOTALLY dictated by the clients, I HAVE ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!  To achieve what they have hired me to do I need to have the types of clients who fit their requested criteria.  So when people call who are outside of that and I know that emphatically, it would be unethical for me to accept them as a client.  Unethical both for my current clients and for a prospective client.  Is that a really tough concept to grasp????  It seems so…

Yes, during the FREE phone consultation I will ask questions to qualify you just as you will ask to qualify me.  But I don’t make the rules of who is and is not a fit.  That is almost strictly done by my clients.   Of course if I perceive that we are not a good match or that you are not grasping the concept in the way I need you to I will decline to work together.  That is why Bon Jour does not have reviews like the other services about clients’ criteria and preferences not being followed.

My own criteria is whether you “get it”…the structure, philosophy, concept and whether you and I will work well together to achieve your goal.  So there are a myriad of reasons someone may not be a fit…if I accepted everyone who called I’d be a millionaire ten times over, which I’m not.  That is not my goal.  I am not driven by money but by the success of my clients which has shown over these 29 years!.

YES, THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER ACTUALLY TURNS DOWN INCOME

In the past two weeks I have declined to work with about 10 singles who called for Bon Jour Matchmaking.  In case it is not clear that means I turned down a minimum of $20,000 in income!

WHY?  It’s called being ethical.  I know that is a foreign term in these days of greed, but after 28 years of Denver matchmaking with Bon Jour being so specialized I know from interviewing EVERY client their preferences and flexibility.

Sometimes you absolutely can’t win even when you are trying to be honest and ethical.  One of the women I declined (“Olimpia”) wrote a nasty review on YELP.  She should have thanked me for not lying to her and taking her money knowing she would not be successful specifically in this service NOT the whole world…this service!  EVERY time I decline to work with someone that effects my income, every time.

My clients make it perfectly clear what they are looking for in a mate which includes physical traits obviously.  My women are clear that they prefer men 5’9″ or taller with comparable educations and income to theirs.  My men specify no women larger than a size 10.  That’s just the way it is.  I wouldn’t be much of a Matchmaker or business woman if I ignored their criteria or preferences like most other Denver matchmaking services (read their reviews).

There are many, many reasons that I decline to work with someone and height and size are only two of the reasons.  Read through the list of things that make someone a poor candidate for Bon Jour.

If I sound angry you bet I am.  If “Olimpia” had been a client and I had lied to her about her success that would be a legitimate reason to write a bad review.  But to write a bad review because of her hurt ego when I was honest and ethical is ridiculous.  This is the kind of attack that makes me consider whether I want to continue doing this.  Again, I turn down thousands of dollars a year in an effort to be ethical and not take advantage of vulnerable people!

There are many reasons Bon Jour is unique and ethics is just one big reason.

WHY YOU MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT CLIENT FOR THIS DENVER MATCHMAKER

Singles hire a matchmaker because they are having trouble of some kind in their interactions with dating.  Yes, it is to find the right person who has as yet been elusive, but there may be many things you yourself are doing that derail, curtail or just plain prevent successful long term relationships.

One glaring example is you are difficult or impossible to connect with.  Whether it be by phone or setting up meetings or dates.  If I have trouble getting you on the phone that alerts me that my clients may also have difficulty that may cause them to get frustrated and just move on.  If that’s how I feel you can be sure that’s how they will feel.  If I find this the case before you even become a client (which happened this morning) I will suggest that you contact another Denver matchmaking service.  My clients expect and deserve reliable people to meet for potential relationships.

If I find that you do not follow directions well even though I repeat them over and over it will discourage me from working with you as there are contracts stating timing that you have to adhere to and other things that, as a client, you need to follow through on as there is usually someone waiting for an answer (someone meaning a prospective match or me).

Whether you are in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service as a client or out in the world dating, look at the obstacles you are putting in the way of smoothly getting to know someone and cultivating a potential relationship.  Actions that may be discouraging, frustrating or just plain turning good potential mates off.  THAT is what I help with, that is the coaching in Bon Jour Matchmaking that is so invaluable!

AS A SEASONED DENVER MATCHMAKER TRUST ME ABOUT THIS…

While practicing professional matchmaking since 1989 and seeing which clients marry and which do not, as I mentioned many times in this Blog, stop looking for perfection.

Whether you use the Internet dating sites, Meet Up,  matchmakers or whatever if your standards are so high that either you can’t find people to fit them or the people who do fit them don’t want you…get real!

Over 600 singles have married through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service since 1989.  Not the most beautiful, not the wealthiest, not the most famous…singles with realistic and sincere, in-depth criteria and expectations.  Those are the people who get married.  Even on the Internet I know of a few couples who married but they aren’t models or moguls, they found their most appropriate match.  Not someone to impress their peers or someone who does everything they do.

Also I have friends and family who have married people they don’t have lots of activities in common with but what they do have are commons goals, values and morals.  Activities can be cultivated.  If you are so focused on a specific activity or two and demand they do those also you are going to miss out on people who might have been your best partner in life.  There’s more to life than skiing, bicycling and hiking…stuff happens and you need to look for more than appearance and activities.

Look at the couples you know or even have just observed…they probably aren’t models or moguls or have every single thing in common.  But they may still have outstanding relationships/marriages.  I know several who have lasted 25 and 30+ years, including my own parents.  They love each other and accept each other and appreciate their differences and respect those while cultivating commonalities through the life of their years together.

 

 

 

WHY DOES BON JOUR TURN DOWN CLIENTS?

Our first interaction on the telephone or if you send me an email starts our journey to discover whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the right Denver matchmaker for you and you are the right client for the service…whether, as your very personal matchmaker, I feel I can reasonably meet your expectations or I fear you may be disappointed.  It is most important to me that I have a reasonable expectation of achieving your goal.

Anyone who calls looking for a guarantee, shows major skepticism, puts all of the responsibility on my abilities as a matchmaker or shows a lack of understanding as to the structure of Bon Jour automatically throws up flags for me.  Do the Internet dating sites give you a guarantee?  Does the stock market give you a guarantee?  For that matter does the person you marry give you a guarantee?  Some things are done on faith and hope and realistic expectations.  This is one of them.

After professionally matchmaking for 29 years my clientele is set.  The criteria and preferences of my clients determine my future clientele.  I go strictly according to those, not my own, which is as it should be.  If you are outside of those than it is unlikely I will be able to match you successfully and will decline to work together.

If I sense you are very skeptical but willing to go forward anyway I will suggest we don’t.  That already puts up a barrier between us and does not let our relationship flow naturally nor the process flow naturally.

I have full confidence in my own ability as a professional Denver matchmaker after practicing this career for 29 years with a success rate of 70%.  But is it really all about my abilities?  If you are a very picky, inflexible client and no one seems to suit you so you decline everyone I show you or who selects to meet you, then you won’t meet anyone.  If people decline to meet you I can exemplify your outstanding virtues and nudge them but no client is forced to meet another client.  If I introduce you to a wonderful person and you ruin the potential relationship, I can advise and counsel but ultimately the success of your relationship is up to you and that person.

If I find you difficult in our phone consultation, inflexible, unrealistic, narrow and/or demanding it is likely I will fear that a relationship with you may be more trouble than it is worth.  You may seem impossible to please in which case I will decline to work together.

So that’s the story…this is such a personal endeavor we have to have a good rapport, understand each other’s expectations and agree on my philosophy.  That’s what makes a good and successful client.

I’M A DENVER MATCHMAKER WITH HEART AND EMPATHY

As I tell my clients, I do all that I can to stack the deck in your favor as a client.  Meaning being selective of who I present to you based on both your preferences and background as well as theirs.  Selecting photos that while they present you in your best light DO look like you unlike Internet dating sites.  Suggest certain behaviors for early on in the relationship as it is so delicate sometimes the slightest slight may knock it off track.  Correcting misconceptions and interpretations to give this budding match time and space to grow.

But I am a Matchmaker not a magician.  I do all that I can to assist you but ultimately it is up to each individual as to their success.  I make the environment the most positive and clear that I can.  What is unwise on a client’s part is to have higher standards within a service than if you met someone outside of a service.  I see it all the time.  Your best chances of success are to be realistic, open-minded and patient.  Those who have been have reached their goal within Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.

Having an open-ended contract is invaluable as I can never promise a new client that the “perfect” person is sitting here waiting for them….there are times they have been but I have no way of knowing that.  We just do the best that we can together.