In the past two weeks I have declined to work with about 10 singles who called for Bon Jour Matchmaking. In case it is not clear that means I turned down a minimum of $20,000 in income!
WHY? It’s called being ethical. I know that is a foreign term in these days of greed, but after 28 years of Denver matchmaking with Bon Jour being so specialized I know from interviewing EVERY client their preferences and flexibility.
Sometimes you absolutely can’t win even when you are trying to be honest and ethical. One of the women I declined (“Olimpia”) wrote a nasty review on YELP. She should have thanked me for not lying to her and taking her money knowing she would not be successful! EVERY time I decline to work with someone that effects my income, every time.
My clients make it perfectly clear what they are looking for in a mate which includes physical traits obviously. My women are clear that they prefer men 5’9″ or taller with comparable educations and income to theirs. My men specify no women larger than a size 10. That’s just the way it is. I wouldn’t be much of a Matchmaker or business woman if I ignored their criteria or preferences like most other Denver matchmaking services (read their reviews).
There are many, many reasons that I decline to work with someone and height and size or only two of the reasons. Read through the list of things that make someone a poor candidate for Bon Jour.
If I sound angry you bet I am. If “Olimpia” had been a client and I had lied to her about her success that would be a legitimate reason to write a bad review. But to write a bad review because of her hurt ego when I was honest and ethical is ridiculous. This is the kind of attack that makes me consider whether I want to continue doing this. Again, I turn down thousands of dollars a year in an effort to be ethical and not take advantage of vulnerable people!
There are many reasons Bon Jour is unique and ethics is just one big reason.
Singles hire a matchmaker because they are having trouble of some kind in their interactions with dating. Yes, it is to find the right person who has as yet been elusive, but there may be many things you yourself are doing that derail, curtail or just plain prevent successful long term relationships.
One glaring example is you are difficult or impossible to connect with. Whether it be by phone or setting up meetings or dates. If I have trouble getting you on the phone that alerts me that my clients may also have difficulty that may cause them to get frustrated and just move on. If that’s how I feel you can be sure that’s how they will feel. If I find this the case before you even become a client (which happened this morning) I will suggest that you contact another Denver matchmaking service. My clients expect and deserve reliable people to meet for potential relationships.
If I find that you do not follow directions well even though I repeat them over and over it will discourage me from working with you as there are contracts stating timing that you have to adhere to and other things that, as a client, you need to follow through on as there is usually someone waiting for an answer (someone meaning a prospective match or me).
Whether you are in Bon Jour Matchmaking Service as a client or out in the world dating, look at the obstacles you are putting in the way of smoothly getting to know someone and cultivating a potential relationship. Actions that may be discouraging, frustrating or just plain turning good potential mates off. THAT is what I help with, that is the coaching in Bon Jour Matchmaking that is so invaluable!
While practicing professional matchmaking since 1989 and seeing which clients marry and which do not, as I mentioned many times in this Blog, stop looking for perfection.
Whether you use the Internet dating sites, Meet Up, matchmakers or whatever if your standards are so high that either you can’t find people to fit them or the people who do fit them don’t want you…get real!
Over 600 singles have married through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service since 1989. Not the most beautiful, not the wealthiest, not the most famous…singles with realistic and sincere, in-depth criteria and expectations. Those are the people who get married. Even on the Internet I know of a few couples who married but they aren’t models or moguls, they found their most appropriate match. Not someone to impress their peers or someone who does everything they do.
Also I have friends and family who have married people they don’t have lots of activities in common with but what they do have are commons goals, values and morals. Activities can be cultivated. If you are so focused on a specific activity or two and demand they do those also you are going to miss out on people who might have been your best partner in life. There’s more to life than skiing, bicycling and hiking…stuff happens and you need to look for more than appearance and activities.
Look at the couples you know or even have just observed…they probably aren’t models or moguls or have every single thing in common. But they may still have outstanding relationships/marriages. I know several who have lasted 25 and 30+ years, including my own parents. They love each other and accept each other and appreciate their differences and respect those while cultivating commonalities through the life of their years together.
Our first interaction on the telephone or if you send me an email starts our journey to discover whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the right Denver matchmaker for you and you are the right client for the service. Whether, as your very personal matchmaker, I feel I can reasonably meet your expectations or I fear you may be disappointed. It is most important to me that I have a reasonable expectation of achieving your goal.
Anyone who calls looking for a guarantee, shows major skepticism, puts all of the responsibility on my abilities as a matchmaker or shows a lack of understanding as to the structure of Bon Jour automatically throws up flags for me. Do the Internet dating sites give you a guarantee? Does the stock market give you a guarantee? For that matter does the person you marry give you a guarantee? Some things are done on faith and hope and realistic expectations. This is one of them.
If I sense you are very skeptical but willing to go forward anyway I will suggest we don’t. That already puts up a barrier between us and does not let our relationship flow naturally nor the process flow naturally.
I have full confidence in my own ability as a professional Denver matchmaker after practicing this career for 28 years with a success rate of 70%. But is it really all about my abilities? If you are a very picky, inflexible client and no one seems to suit you so you decline everyone I show you or who selects to meet you, then you won’t meet anyone. If people decline to meet you I can exemplify your outstanding virtues and nudge them but no client is forced to meet another client. If I introduce you to a wonderful person and you ruin the potential relationship, I can advise and counsel but ultimately the success of your relationship is up to you and that person.
If I find you difficult in our phone consultation, inflexible, unrealistic, narrow and/or demanding it is likely I will fear that a relationship with you may be more trouble than it is worth. You may seem impossible to please in which case I will decline to work together.
So that’s the story…this is such a personal endeavor we have to have a good rapport, understand each other’s expectations and agree on my philosophy. That’s what makes a good and successful client.
As I tell my clients, I do all that I can to stack the deck in your favor as a client. Meaning being selective of who I present to you based on both your preferences and background as well as theirs. Selecting photos that while they present you in your best light DO look like you unlike Internet dating sites. Suggest certain behaviors for early on in the relationship as it is so delicate sometimes the slightest slight may knock it off track. Correcting misconceptions and interpretations to give this budding match time and space to grow.
But I am a Matchmaker not a magician. I do all that I can to assist you but ultimately it is up to each individual as to their success. I make the environment the most positive and clear that I can. What is unwise on a client’s part is to have higher standards within a service than if you met someone outside of a service. I see it all the time. Your best chances of success are to be realistic, open-minded and patient. Those who have been have reached their goal within Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.
Having an open-ended contract is invaluable as I can never promise a new client that the “perfect” person is sitting here waiting for them….there are times they have been but I have no way of knowing that. We just do the best that we can together.
Without exception clients of Bon Jour Matchmaking have several common personality traits and goals.
All of them are serious about finding their last relationship…whether it be through marriage or LTCR (long term committed relationship). As their Denver matchmaker I put them through the “ringer” with an extensive questionnaire and Behavioral Agreement where they agree to specific terms which I have found over 27 years create the optimum success in a match.
They walk the talk and are reliable, reasonable, patient and realistic. Unlike Internet dating sites where singles (hopefully because some are married) join because they are bored, have a totally different yet superficial agenda or are felons, my Denver singles are goal oriented and serious about a forever relationship.
Their pictures are current and look like them and in many cases they are more attractive than their photos as many people do not photograph well. So bonus! What you see is what you get or better.
So if you do not fit the description above Bon Jour Matchmaking is probably not the right service for you…but if you do than peruse this site and let’s talk!
We start another new year and people resolve to work out, lose weight, stop smoking, change jobs perhaps, etc. So don’t you think that finding love should be at the top of that list?
Be brave…read through this website and call me for your FREE PHONE CONSULTATION. It is merely an exchange of information, NOT a sales call. No pressure! What do you have to lose?
Starting my 27th year as a professional Denver matchmaker even I marvel at how successful my structure and approach have been. But it doesn’t work for everyone just like diets, stocks and other pursuits. If you read through this site and listen to my suggestions and coaching, keep an open mind and heart it may be successful for you.
It is merely a one-time filing fee which is good for the duration of the time you are in the service. Every client receives an open-ended contract so you are a client until you fulfill your goal. So best of luck and love for 2016! Michele “the Matchmaker” Fields