I had a conversation with a very old friend of mine last night and was telling her about a new male client and how fantastic he is. She said “what’s wrong with him then?” Nothing is “wrong” with him. He is divorced once and has two children. He has absolutely everything going for him…of course I don’t know what he’s like in a relationship or how particular he is with who he will meet yet.
She said “well we’ll see how successful your service is.” I said hey, if everyone I present to him he declines or everyone who selects him he declines OR if he’s a jerk in a relationship that’s on HIM NOT MY SERVICE. I can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink or act appropriately.
I can introduce you to the right people and coach you so that you don’t get in your own way but the responsibility for any relationship succeeding is ultimately your own, NOT the matchmaker’s.
So this man has been divorced once and with two children should be particular about who he brings into his life. My friend has been married to the same man since she was 20 and she’s now 59! She does not know and cannot relate to dating at any age let alone in this climate of 2017.
I have had people call me and say how good am I? I’m as good as you are as a client and partner both with me and interacting with my clientele. No matchmaker or service can take total responsibility in making you successful. At least 50% or more is up to each individual. Please try to be realistic when considering Denver matchmakers and Denver matchmaking services.
What you should be considering is their structure, their track record, their length of time in business, your rapport with the owner/matchmaker and of course their fees and contract lengths.
As I tell my clients, I do all that I can to stack the deck in your favor as a client. Meaning being selective of who I present to you based on both your preferences and background as well as theirs. Selecting photos that while they present you in your best light DO look like you unlike Internet dating sites. Suggest certain behaviors for early on in the relationship as it is so delicate sometimes the slightest slight may knock it off track. Correcting misconceptions and interpretations to give this budding match time and space to grow.
But I am a Matchmaker not a magician. I do all that I can to assist you but ultimately it is up to each individual as to their success. I make the environment the most positive and clear that I can. What is unwise on a client’s part is to have higher standards within a service than if you met someone outside of a service. I see it all the time. Your best chances of success are to be realistic, open-minded and patient. Those who have been have reached their goal within Bon Jour Matchmaking Service.
Having an open-ended contract is invaluable as I can never promise a new client that the “perfect” person is sitting here waiting for them….there are times they have been but I have no way of knowing that. We just do the best that we can together.
I am oh so careful about who I work with on behalf of my clients so as to save them time, aggravation and frustration. For the most part the majority of the people I accept seem to understand that and if they don’t I prefer they work with a service best suited to their goals and philosophy. But every once in a while, although I’ve been extremely direct and clear as is my website, someone desperately wants to work with me and proclaims they get it just to find out within a couple of months they don’t. Fortunately for the over 300 couples who have married through Bon Jour they had the patience and understanding to go through the process and it paid off! I have no way of knowing how long the process will take for you personally because YOU have a lot to do with that. If you have unrealistic expectations and turn down every one who is interested than it will take you longer. That is your prerogative but not my responsibility as your matchmaker. We share responsibility and I can only do what you allow me to do.
In a nutshell, if you are looking for immediate gratification and/or meeting lots of singles this is not the service for you. Bon Jour Matchmaking is an old fashioned, genuine matchmaking service. I vet all clients and qualify them before wasting your time just throwing people at you to meet a contract. If you have the patience and are realistic this may be the right service for you. Most couples who have married through Bon Jour married either the first or second person they met…regardless of how long it took to find the right match!
Please read through my website carefully and if we chat and you don’t understand don’t be shy. I want my approach to be crystal clear or we are both wasting each others time. Best of luck!
There are several aspects of Bon Jour Matchmaking that make it unique from other Denver matchmaking services. The open-ended contract, the one-time personalized investment fee, the amount of information supplied about each and every client and last but NOT least the coaching.
Here is an example of how Michele the Matchmaker’s coaching can make or break a new relationship:
I matched two clients who had an immediate attraction and interest in each other. Information that was not on his profile that I shared with this woman is that he is a one woman man most comfortable in a marriage. He’s NOT a player. She confided that she was not feeling secure (this was very early on) and that she was going to start being less accessible. I cautioned her not to play games as this guy is not a serial dater and would not understand and it might cause him to back off. I shared with her how very interested he was/is in her so she agreed not to play games.
They have been dating for a few months including New Year’s Eve and day, met each others children and seemed solid. He called me the other night explaining that the last time they were suppose to get together she texted him while he was on his way to her house to pick her up for dinner and said she didn’t want to go out. Of course that threw him and confused him. He said she called the next day saying that other guys she has dated have acted the way he is recently and they were dating someone else. So she backed off and started playing games. Had she called ME first I would have re-established what I told her originally and that would probably not have happened.
It put them off track briefly but now I fear he’s cautious about her behavior. Don’t discount how important a third person, being ME, who knows both sides of the relationship can help make or break it early on. My goal is to keep you on track until you are flowing naturally yourselves.
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Don’t discount the length of time a Denver matchmaking or Denver dating service has been in business. Not only for their credibility and reliability but also for their experience and expertise. I learn new things about Denver singles, dating and matchmaking every year. I would have thought I knew it all by now after being in business since 1989 full time, but am always learning.
If a business has been operating for a long period of time there are bound to be clients who are unhappy. Clients contribute to their dissatisfaction in a service by being too narrow in their criteria and preferences, not giving good people a chance, being too superficial, being a poor partner once they are in a relationship and/or being uncooperative or combative to the matchmaker or owner.
Don’t discount the last possibility. I have come across people who initially appear to genuinely want to find a mate but don’t walk the talk once they’ve been set up. Even with direct feedback and coaching they don’t make an effort. If you do this the way you’ve always mated then you may get the same results you’ve always gotten. If you work with me it would benefit you to listen and incorporate the feedback I share from the people you meet. Most of my clients are great at that and appreciate all Bon Jour Matchmaking has to offer. But on occasion I accept someone who doesn’t get it and then gets mad. Don’t shoot the messenger! This is a collaboration and clients who have understood that have had the most success.
Also if when you call for your FREE PHONE CONSULTATION you give me one set of information, such as age range you wish to meet, then during the interview you give me a different answer that would not be beneficial to you. Your fee is based on the information you share at the time of that phone consultation. If you change it, which I had one gentleman do, when I interview you you are shorting yourself. Had I known the age range he really wanted I would not have accepted him as a client at all and his criteria became much more narrow consequently I decided not to work with him. So there is no benefit to not being candid and honest initially.
My point of this post is that the longer a business has been operating and the more people they work with there are bound to be some who are dissatisfied for one reason or another, not always legitimate.
I regularly read reviews of other services, not just local but national. I’m not taking up for these services per se, however I have a problem with people complaining they didn’t get the “right” matches for them or enough matches. One person wrote a service claimed to have I think 500 potential matches and “only” had 100. Wow, isn’t 100 enough? You only need one to be the right one! Sure, you can make it a numbers game but in 29 years of successful professional matchmaking, as I’ve said all over this site, most people married either the first or second person they met!
Definition of a dating service: Client buys a specific number of dates for a finite period of time. Dating service may or may not (usually not) share profiles of prospects to clients. In most cases they just throw people at clients hoping someone will click. Often multiple “matchmakers” who don’t know all the clients and work on commission.
Definition of a matchmaker: One matchmaker who interviews every client, extends an open contract and zeros in on what each client is specifically looking for. Shares photos and extensive profiles with clients, coaches and collaborates with clients as to the best match. Does NOT play a numbers game.
Generally I think the services disclose their structure when you meet with them. If you choose to buy into that, a package of dates for a finite time at an exorbitant fee, you chose that. The fact that they rarely actually match make anyone with the appropriate people is a pretty well known fact. They know all they have to do is meet the contract of a certain number of dates and they’re in the clear.
It’s not the number of people you meet, it’s the quality and the commonality of morals, values and interests that make it successful. That can happen with ONE match if done correctly rather than putting yourself through a dating frenzy. If you want to meet lots of people (who may or may not misrepresent themselves and/or be felons like James Holmes) use the Internet Dating Sites. But if you are truly serious about finding a “mate” then use a reputable professional matchmaker who gives you loads of information AND pictures. In short, use a matchmaker NOT a dating service.
HOW TO BE A REALISTIC MATCHMAKING CLIENT
When hiring a Matchmaker you share the responsibility with the Matchmaker to work together, put your best foot forward, have an amicable relationship with that Matchmaker and be realistic in your expectations.
If you join a matchmaking service it is their responsibility to show your profile to the most appropriate candidates. Not to waste your time setting you up with prospects that do not fit your preferences. It is your responsibility to be realistic with your criteria and realize that whenever you are shown a profile you have the right to turn it down. Conversely when your profile is shown to a prospect they have every right to turn you down. Remember that although new clients come in every week they may not fit your preferences, be the opposite sex or select you to meet. So the key is patience…sometimes there is a match right away and sometimes it can take time until the right person enters the service. Try not to get discouraged if it takes time as it is better to be set up with a few great matches than tons of people who don’t fit your preferences!
The job of the Matchmaker is to go over profiles with each client and be sure there are no misunderstandings in the information set forth, also that neither party overly analyzes this information or reads into it. Using a Matchmaker will help you answer questions you’ve never even thought of. A Matchmaker will help you focus in on what’s important, even if it may seem superficial.
As THE Matchmaker at Bon Jour Matchmaking Service in Denver I offer the most reasonable investment to new clients in the Front Range. You are a client until you find your match with no additional fees than the one-time investment fee and per introduction fee of $35. That’s it, call to discuss your personal situation with me at 303-756-8106 so that I may quote you your personal investment fee.