AS A SEASONED DENVER MATCHMAKER TRUST ME ABOUT THIS…

While practicing professional matchmaking since 1989 and seeing which clients marry and which do not, as I mentioned many times in this Blog, stop looking for perfection.

Whether you use the Internet dating sites, Meet Up,  matchmakers or whatever if your standards are so high that either you can’t find people to fit them or the people who do fit them don’t want you…get real!

Over 600 singles have married through Bon Jour Matchmaking Service since 1989.  Not the most beautiful, not the wealthiest, not the most famous…singles with realistic and sincere, in-depth criteria and expectations.  Those are the people who get married.  Even on the Internet I know of a few couples who married but they aren’t models or moguls, they found their most appropriate match.  Not someone to impress their peers or someone who does everything they do.

Also I have friends and family who have married people they don’t have lots of activities in common with but what they do have are commons goals, values and morals.  Activities can be cultivated.  If you are so focused on a specific activity or two and demand they do those also you are going to miss out on people who might have been your best partner in life.  There’s more to life than skiing, bicycling and hiking…stuff happens and you need to look for more than appearance and activities.

Look at the couples you know or even have just observed…they probably aren’t models or moguls or have every single thing in common.  But they may still have outstanding relationships/marriages.  I know several who have lasted 25 and 30+ years, including my own parents.  They love each other and accept each other and appreciate their differences and respect those while cultivating commonalities through the life of their years together.

 

 

 

WHY DOES BON JOUR TURN DOWN CLIENTS?

Our first interaction on the telephone or if you send me an email starts our journey to discover whether Bon Jour Matchmaking is the right Denver matchmaker for you and you are the right client for the service.  Whether, as your very personal matchmaker, I feel I can reasonably meet your expectations or I fear you may be disappointed.  It is most important to me that I have a reasonable expectation of achieving your goal.

Anyone who calls looking for a guarantee, shows major skepticism, puts all of the responsibility on my abilities as a matchmaker or shows a lack of understanding as to the structure of Bon Jour automatically throws up flags for me.  Do the Internet dating sites give you a guarantee?  Does the stock market give you a guarantee?  For that matter does the person you marry give you a guarantee?  Some things are done on faith and hope and realistic expectations.  This is one of them.

If I sense you are very skeptical but willing to go forward anyway I will suggest we don’t.  That already puts up a barrier between us and does not let our relationship flow naturally nor the process flow naturally.

I have full confidence in my own ability as a professional Denver matchmaker after practicing this career for 28 years with a success rate of 70%.  But is it really all about my abilities?  If you are a very picky, inflexible client and no one seems to suit you so you decline everyone I show you or who selects to meet you, then you won’t meet anyone.  If people decline to meet you I can exemplify your outstanding virtues and nudge them but no client is forced to meet another client.  If I introduce you to a wonderful person and you ruin the potential relationship, I can advise and counsel but ultimately the success of your relationship is up to you and that person.

If I find you difficult in our phone consultation, inflexible, unrealistic, narrow and/or demanding it is likely I will fear that a relationship with you may be more trouble than it is worth.  You may seem impossible to please in which case I will decline to work together.

So that’s the story…this is such a personal endeavor we have to have a good rapport, understand each other’s expectations and agree on my philosophy.  That’s what makes a good and successful client.

DATING FRENZY OR A MATE

I regularly read reviews of other services, not necessarily just local but also national.  I’m not taking up for these services per se, however I have a problem with people complaining they didn’t get the “right” matches for them or enough matches.  One person wrote a service claimed to have I think 500 potential matches and “only” had 100.  Wow, isn’t 100 enough?  You only need one to be the right one!  Sure, you can make it a numbers game but in almost 27 years of successful professional matchmaking, as I’ve said all over this site, most people married either the first or second person they met!

Generally I think the services disclose their structure when you meet with them.  If you choose to buy into that, a package of dates for a finite time at an exorbitant fee, you chose that.  The fact that they rarely really matchmake anyone with the appropriate people is a pretty well known fact.  They know all they have to do is meet the contract of a certain number of dates and they’re in the clear.

It’s not the number of people you meet, it’s the quality and the commonality of morals, values and interests that make it successful.  That can happen with ONE match if done correctly rather than putting yourself through a dating frenzy.  If you want to meet lots of people (who may or may not misrepresent themselves and/or be felons like James Holmes) use the Internet Dating Sites.  But if you are truly serious about finding a “mate” then use a reputable professional matchmaker who gives you loads of information AND pictures.  Best of luck.

WHAT IS THE JOB OF A PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER AT BON JOUR MATCHMAKING?

(Click on the blue print to go to Post)

As I said in a previous Post, some issues have come up in the past couple of years that have never come up during my 28 years of matchmaking.  One such issue is the definition of a matchmaker in general and specifically in Bon Jour Matchmaking, a Denver matchmaking service.

This website does a great job of explaining what you should and may expect when working with me.  When you hire me you will receive coaching, which means if I think or hear from prospective matches negative things about your photos, the way you have phrased things on your profile, behavior upon your initial meeting, etc. I will:

  1. Share that with you so that you may adjust any or all of those to produce a positive and successful outcome;
  2.  You are hiring me to introduce you only to people who you have described you are interested in meeting and to whose criteria you fit;
  3.  To assist you in being realistic in your expectations of others and the service;
  4.  To give you direct feedback, whether positive or negative, from matches and from people who have viewed your information and had a repetitive issue with your profile so that we may correct that;
  5.  To assist you in zeroing in on what you are looking for, what you like and dislike, what your goal is.

You are not hiring me to:

  1.  Lie to you about your marketability;
  2.  Pretend that you are younger or more attractive than feedback from prospective matches share with me;
  3.  Accept everything you say at face value without further exploration both to make sure you fit in the service, I feel that you will be successful in your goals or “yes” you to death; i.e. a gentleman called and said right off the bat, “I’m the perfect client for your service.”  With further exploration during his free phone consultation, he admitted to having sleeve tattoos.  It happens that I ask clients how they feel about tattoos.  Every woman I’ve asked has specifically said NO SLEEVE TATTOOS.  They are professional women who will be taking their significant others to business events and are acutely aware of the impression such tattoos would make.  If I hadn’t spoken with this gentleman at length I would not have found that out before accepting him as a client.  Everything else fit except that.  Consequently I did not accept him as a client and he was very gracious and understanding as well as appreciative that I was honest and didn’t take his money unwarranted.  I will never say oh don’t worry about that when I know for a fact it is an issue;
  4.  Buy into a fantasy you may have that you look/act younger than you are so you should be meeting matches considerably younger…whether you are male or female;
  5.  In this service I deal in reality so as to facilitate the best outcome for each client.  This approach has accomplished more than 300 marriages.

Your responsibility:

  1.  To be honest about everything;
  2.  To keep your pictures and information current;
  3.  Not to withhold information, i.e. that you smoke, are planning on moving out of town, how many times you’ve been married, etc.  It is very much in your best interest to share this type of info as it will reflect in the fee that I quote you.  Or may dictate that I may not be able to assist you;
  4.  Work with me rather than against me;
  5.  Accept my feedback and coaching with an open mind and an open heart (that is what you are paying for);
  6.  Give me feedback in a timely manner.

My feedback and coaching are the biggest benefits of Bon Jour Matchmaking.  They should be viewed as such rather than taken as insults or that I’m not being supportive.  The fact that I share all of that is evidence that in this service you are very supported to achieve your goal!

WORKING WITH A MATCHMAKER SHOWS YOUR WORTH

Rather than feeling like people perceive you as desperate or a loser, you should really feel that because you are so special and have so much going for you that you’ve chosen to have the exclusive representation of a professional matchmaker!

Working with a Denver matchmaker is not something you should feel embarrassed about.  Do you feel embarrassed that you have a CPA do your taxes?  That you have a hairdresser cut and/or style your hair?  That you have a stock broker manage your investments?  You choose to work with professionals who excel in their fields so that you will get the best results.  Why would that be any different with a professional Denver matchmaker?

You would think people would be more embarrassed to admit they met in the Internet dating sites or in a bar.  In this day and age those venues are more for the average single, whereas hiring a Denver matchmaking service to work with you is more for single, well educated professionals who have excelled in their chosen careers.  Denver singles who are discriminating in who they wish to introduce into their successful lives and share a future with.

So now in 2015 consider yourself intelligent, careful and worth hiring a professional Denver matchmaker to achieve your personal goal.

STILL LEARNING AFTER ALL THESE YEARS AS A PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER

(Click on the blue print to go to Post)

I attended a Christmas party where there was a bevy of successful and attractive women over 55.  There are lots of interesting, attractive, fit and energetic women over 55 and it seemed many of them were there.  No, this was not a singles party, it was a house party.  When they learned that I’m a professional Denver matchmaker they asked many questions and shared their own opinions, experiences and preferences in the Denver dating marketplace.

They have all had experience on the Internet dating sites.  I was sad to see that a couple of them admitted that they lie about their ages up to 5 years younger so as not to attract men 60+.  And let me just say, they didn’t need to.  They all looked GREAT!

The consensus on men over 60 was dismal.  I’m more than used to hearing this from men about women but still getting use to the rhetoric spewing from female mouths.  They talked about not wanting to take care of some old sick guy, about ED, about lack of virility and more.  I know many men over 60 who do not fit that description at all.  Some are clients and some are friends so I know first hand not to pigeon hole people.  Women have been suffering from that type of prejudice pretty much forever, but only recently have I heard women sounding more like their male counterparts.

I have to admit it’s disheartening.  Is this mainly due to their experiences on Internet dating sites?  Or to singles living in Denver?  That seemed to be the main reference.  But when you sign up for a relationship it’s for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  Remember?????  What happened to that?  One even commented that she has spent half her life taking care of her kids and does not want to do that for some “old” man (she was the main culprit of lying about her age).

I am left scratching my head…where do I go from here trying to matchmake singles over 50 who feel this way about each other?  The most recent couple to become engaged are over 50.  She is 52 and he is 58, the perfect age difference in my opinion.

I hope that in this new year singles over 50 will be more realistic and KIND to each other when considering age range!  Happy Holidays from Bon Jour Matchmaking Service!

ATTENTION WOMEN 30-40…DOES THIS DESCRIBE YOU?

(Click on the blue print to go to Post)

About 10 years after the establishment of Bon Jour Matchmaking in 1989, after having issues on a frequent basis with women in the age range of 30-40, I decided to no longer offer that age range.  For the past 15 years I’ve started at 40 which has mitigated the issues with younger women.

But a couple of years ago I thought, since I’ve had a break from that age range and was receiving many calls from guys in that age range, that I would offer it again.  My original range in 1989 was 25-40.  So I decided to try that again.

In fairly short order I started having problems with women in their twenties.  Not following the contracts they signed, being flaky, nasty outbursts, changing their minds on things, not liking their photos, etc.  So after about a year of that I decided to tighten the range again.  To start at 30 in hopes of working with more mature women.

I have many women in their thirties and even a couple still in their twenties who are mature and reliable and good to work with, however again I’ve run into many, many flaky, immature women in their thirties.  Because I now have established clients in their thirties I really cannot change the range again.

So this post is to directly say that if you are indecisive, uncommunicative, don’t understand the contracts, flaky and in the age range of 30-40 please go in a different direction than Bon Jour.  I just had a 31 year old woman who selected a great gentleman to meet, tell me go ahead and collect the introduction fees and she would send hers before she left town for the holiday…which means this is a match. 

She never sent the check, although I received his.  So I wrote asking her when she mailed it.  She never mailed it because she met another guy outside the service, didn’t tell me and changed her mind about meeting this man she selected.  So now I am in the awkward position of telling this guy who was looking forward to meeting her that it’s a no go.  She should have told me when I gave her my address to send her check, over the weekend or even prior to all of that.  Now I have to completely backtrack and have wasted my time and my other client’s time and emotion, who is a busy doctor.

So if this sounds like you there are other local “matchmaking” services who aren’t as reliable who would be happy to work with you.  If, however, you are a responsible and reliable female single in your thirties this might just be the perfect service for you.  My male clients in that age range have not had success in other services or on the Internet dating services because the women did not follow through or whatever, so they have chosen to hire a professional matchmaker.  Which means I cannot have clients who act the same way in here as they do on the Internet to fulfill my promise to all clients.